Goodbye, Jack

Before I went to bed last night, I was excited about the prospect of the USA Men’s Hockey Team winning its first Olympic Gold Medal since the Miracle on Ice back in 1980. I had taken our dog, Jack, to the emergency veterinarian late in the evening as he had started having serious health issues over the last few weeks, but I had come home with the impression that they were going to be able to get him back under control and that we would go and pick him up in the morning. Unfortunately, we woke up to a phone call this morning that his condition had taken a turn for the worse, and that we should rush in to see him. On the way to the hospital, he passed away.

I do not consider myself a dog person. I grew up with cats and before I met my wife, I had a cat, Zoe, who we still have today. She will turn 15 years old this year. My wife, Julianne, adopted Jack early in our relationship. I knew that I might need to become a dog person to sustain our relationship. I remember right after she adopted Jack when he was a puppy and we were both still living in New York City. We went to Central Park together with Jack for our first date with him as a part of our family. I did not know much about taking care of dogs but I thought he was very cute.

When she first got Jack, he was timid and he would cry all night. Eventually he grew out of it and started to see Julianne as his mother. He was completely attached to her his entire life. He would wait at the door for her to come home from work. He would cuddle with her on the couch. He even ate her clothes a few times which resulted in some emergency vet visits (and some expensive bills). We used to joke that if he could live inside of her, that he would.

I also began to see Jack as my buddy. Julianne and I had bonded early in our relationship over being from Boston and being Patriots fans. Jack and I would sit on the couch together most Sundays and watch games together. We both wore our Patriots jerseys. I thought his kisses were kind of disgusting and I tried to avoid them but that did not stop him from continuing to try to give them to me. After nearly 10 years, he never took a hint that I was not into the kisses, and yet I find myself remorseful now that I did not accept more of them.

After a few years, Jack started having a medical issue where he would suddenly seize. I remember one time we hopped in an Uber to rush him to the emergency vet. For this course of time, as someone who had not grown up with dogs, I was not as outwardly affectionate towards him as the typical “dog person” might be. But when we got to the hospital and they took him to the back room, I broke down in tears. I had come to love him so much. Here is why.

There is no person or animal I have ever met who was as sweet, gentle, or kind as he was. I know many people say this type of thing about their pets, but trust me, he made an impression everywhere he went. Even in his waning moments when I was standing with him in the waiting room last night, an onlooker made a comment to me about how cute and kind Jack was. You could not take him down a block in New York City without someone saying something about what an adorable dog he was. He wanted to meet and kiss every stranger, and he was always eager to see me. If your child crossed paths with Jack walking down a block in NYC, your kid was getting a kiss (and maybe a photo for Instagram).

I think seeing me break down in the hospital was the first time Julianne came to understand how much I loved and appreciated Jack as well. I may not have always shown it, but he was reliably loyal and caring, and I cannot think about the formulative years of me and Julianne’s relationship without thinking of Jack sitting with us on the couch for football games, New Year’s Eve, or even the dog training classes we took together.

In the leadup to COVID, Julianne and Jack spent a lot more time with me and Zoe. We were trying to integrate them better as we were looking to plan a future together. Suffice it to say that Zoe was not very kind to Jack, but they managed to get by. When COVID hit, the four of us moved (temporarily) to Cape Cod. Jack became the spectacle of our street then, and soon we made friends with most of our neighbors on account of our wonderful dog.

I proposed to Julianne while we were living in Cape Cod. The best photograph from that day is the two of us sitting on the couch with a happy Jack sitting in between us.

He loved going to the beach while we lived in Cape Cod and he used to sit with us while we watched movies and Netflix shows. I commissioned a portrait of Jack on the beach from a local artist. In it, you see the happiest dog in the world with his tongue out.

After we got engaged, we moved to Boston. Jack once again acclimated to a new environment. We got married, and Jack was the hit of the photoshoot.

I could talk about the other eras with Jack, but if there was one lasting memory I had to take away about him, it is the way he interacted with our daughter, Josie. I knew it would be hard for Jack when we had a baby. And I know he was definitely sad and jealous at times to see us giving so much attention to this little person. That did not stop him from loving and caring about her too. From the moment she came into our lives, Jack was a protector for her. In fact, he was so much of a protector that we often had to try to get him to stop giving her kisses, because we found out that she was allergic to dogs. I even feel guilty now thinking about how we had to separate him from Josie when all he was trying to do was give her a kiss.

As Josie has become more developed in the past year, she has loved to give Jack her own hugs and kisses. Most days, she will find Jack and give him a hug, and she often asks about where Jack is. She also would try to ride him like a horse or otherwise rough-house with him, and while I prevented this to the best of my ability, Jack was always a good sport. He never barked at her a single time. He never thought to be aggressive towards her in any way. He did the same thing he always did, which was to show love and affection. He treated her like a little sister, even when she did not know any better and might have caused him a little stress.

If I have one regret, it is probably the same regret most people have after a loved one dies: I wish I cherished it more. Even as I write this, Jack is not sleeping next to me on the couch like he normally does. I won’t hear his footsteps pitter-pattering behind me as he walks around the kitchen. I won’t take him outside to pee before bedtime. I wish I was more patient with him. He used to irritate me every night when I was cooking because he wanted to eat whatever I was making. I wish I appreciated it more instead of being frustrated with him. It’s too late now.

The hardest part of today was seeing Julianne so upset, and hearing my daughter ask when Jack was going to wake up. She saw him in the hospital after he died and she thought he was just sleeping. Hours later, when I was driving her back from the grocery store, she asked “Will Jack wake up later?” She does not understand it and I guess in some ways I am happy about that. But they really were amigos. It’s not like I have one photo of her with her arm around his neck. We have dozens. Maybe hundreds. That is the kind of dog that he was.

When we got back from the vet this morning, me and Josie turned on the hockey game. The USA and Canada were tied 1-1 in the 3rd period. We watched the third period and then the game headed into overtime. Eventually, a guy named Jack scored the game-winner for USA.

Do you believe in miracles?